And loneliness is when your blood is deficient in love,
trust, kindness, compassion and all of the good things above…
Spring crawls through the debris and it seems like there is a lot of things,
I can be lonely with.
Sing with the robins in disbelief that there is still winter seeping
through the skin,
It is not too long until there is grass beneath my feet,
the snow still glistens in the sun yet
I feel so incomplete…
All else awakens, yet I fell asleep.
And this is the season of happy faces – hollow hearts,
in anticipation of glee and sparks between them,
this is the season,
all the smiles, oh, how I would love to believe them.
Give me your pain like water to a stem,
it inspires me, only then shall I thrive…
I need pain,
I am alive.
Don’t wake me from my sleep…
I won’t see my screen light up or hear the beep,
I’m in too deep.
I put my cares aside and drift away,
I hug my pillow and take the leap.
Switch between dimensions,
nightmares and wishful dreams,
I have no worries…
Just for this moment,
I let my eyes close and pretend I don’t know you,
nothing around me counts,
just the street lights outside my window
covering the snow,
turning it into a photograph – sepia tone.
Sleep – like a tiny death envelopes my whole,
I am one in my bed but I’m not alone.
I don’t hear the phone, leave a message after the tone,
I’ll answer when I’m alive again,
In the morning to come…
Every single syllable and action out of line,
burns my flesh to the bone.
The slightest friction in your tone,
like skin ripped off and sprinkled with salt and lime.
Every word of what you say,
makes my insides tremble and shake with dismay.
My flesh is raw, like I’m skinned alive,
every gaze thrown wrongfully my way,
cuts my skin open like a razor blade.
everything moves me in ways you don’t know,
so in peace I heal and in silence I grow.
let me be the beauty and not the beast,
not the under,
but the High Priest,
worthy of your attention at the very least.
let me hear gasps of amazement when I walk by,
let me be visible to the eye,
and not bantam like a fruit fly.
Let me be loud enough for you to hear my
want to leave speck of a spark
before we all die.
I want to mean something,
I want to be more,
worth more than a penny and a louis d’or,
shining so bright,
no one can ignore.
I want you to see me,
and be shook to your core.
these pits of hell,
grip me tightly ’round my neck,
it’s a love song, it’s a spell,
feel this pain spread in my chest.
I slip into my comatose,
heavy, medicated sleep,
a thousand needles, head to toe,
as the night grows dark and deep.
There’s no escape and no salvation
from this illness I possess,
It’s a cage and I’m a beast,
held in captive and possessed.