Tense

Sometimes you get so tense and emotionally unstable that familiar scenes start to look foreign. The people that once brought you joy now seem unbearable, you’re completely detached from them. It seems that you’re living in your own little miserable bubble and others live in a completely different world.

You’ve become a hermit. Even a trip to the store makes you want to punch every single oblivious shopper in there. Feels like 1000 needles are piercing your skin every second of the day.

You try and laugh and be normal, you take your medication, your vitamins, you make jokes but you know that inside you’re rotting away and one day you just snap and you can’t do it anymore. You scream, you cry and do dumb things like harm yourself. You’re empty but you feel everything.

It eats you on the inside. Nothing you do is ever enough to make you feel better.

Want to play? 

Every day is a pretend,

I’m alright, I feel okay. 

Life’s a game, you want to play? 

Buckle up, make sure you’re safe. 

Hide the true, don’t let them know,

Everything’s about control.

If you lose it, it’s time to go. 

Start from scratch, the process – slow.

Pick a mask, pick out your gown,

No one wants to see you frown.

Make sure everything’s in place,

Check your savings, walk with grace, 

Organise all things you own,

Just pretend you’re in control. 

When all else just falls apart,

You’ve got that just to hold on. 

Look like you are not in pain,

Even when you trip again,

Nothing matters, nothing hurts,

After all, it’s just a game.