Camatose

Yet again,
these pits of hell,
grip me tightly ’round my neck,
it’s a love song, it’s a spell,
feel this pain spread in my chest.
I slip into my comatose,
heavy, medicated sleep,
a thousand needles, head to toe,
as the night grows dark and deep.
There’s no escape and no salvation
from this illness I possess,
It’s a cage and I’m a beast,
held in captive and possessed.

Deaths sweet, soothing lullaby

While it’s quiet,
and spirits dance around me while I cry,
I hear so often in the night,
Death’s sweet, soothing lullaby.

It sings about the knot,
and the rope you use to tie it,
it sings about the freedom,
it knows that you are tired.

It sings about the buildings,
ones that stand up tall,
about the flight that comes with them,
about the moment when it ends it all.

I hear it’s silky undertone,
It’s begging me to try,
I’m in no two minds,
this was the last time I heard,
death’s sweet, soothing lullaby.

Want to play? 

Every day is a pretend,

I’m alright, I feel okay. 

Life’s a game, you want to play? 

Buckle up, make sure you’re safe. 

Hide the true, don’t let them know,

Everything’s about control.

If you lose it, it’s time to go. 

Start from scratch, the process – slow.

Pick a mask, pick out your gown,

No one wants to see you frown.

Make sure everything’s in place,

Check your savings, walk with grace, 

Organise all things you own,

Just pretend you’re in control. 

When all else just falls apart,

You’ve got that just to hold on. 

Look like you are not in pain,

Even when you trip again,

Nothing matters, nothing hurts,

After all, it’s just a game. 

All You Never Wanted

I am your doom.

I am your whole universe and nothing at all.

I am your shadow in the new moon.

Your abyss of darkness and your lighthouse standing tall.

Priceless treasure and a piece of trash left to decay,

Give you my last shirt then take it away.

Your reflection when it’s all you have left,

A murky silhouette in the broken glass.

I’ll give you all you never wanted.

Take your dreams and destroy them as quickly as they came.

I’ll burn all the scriptures written by you and I,

Rewrite all the chapters of our lives.

I’ll watch your eyes fill up with regret when you try and remember,

How you met me last September.

 

Home

I wrote this poem about two homes. One represents the good times in life and the other the opposite. The other is where I end up in the end.

I’m coming home,

It’s been a while,

White picket fences didn’t last.

I’m all alone,

Will take some time,

To make this pain a thing of past.

 

From chirping birds to screaming ravens,

From grass green to a garden empty,

From a safe space, a peaceful haven,

To screeching silence, fear, unsafety.

 

I’m at the doorstep, please let me in,

I guess I missed this solemn home,

I will forget where I have been,

And promise this to call my own

 

Heavy Artillery

Words don’t hurt, until you cut deep,

Until you can see the bone.

Until those words repeat,

Like a broken cassette tape, stuck on one loop,

Until you start to grow insane.

A chamber of echoes now becomes my space,

The demons now dance and laugh in my face,

They rejoice.

I have been defeated,

No heavy artillery needed.

Just words for bullets, the mightiest weapon,

So I stepped down, gave up and conceded.