Today

Today,
I have become what I hate.
The monster gripping around my neck
and shoving me around.
I have become what had despised,
now I am the one,
pushing others to the ground.
Never thought and never knew,
this is what I would come to,
ashamed and guilty to the core.
Ashamed and guity every minute,
I never wanted to admit it,
but now,
I am what I had been afraid of.

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Nothing

Sitting here in tears while my mom is asleep in the other room. Just crying because I don’t know where to go from here anymore.

Seems like my life is on the rocks. I have no job and barely any money. I’m back to square one, looking for a low paying job with a bachelors degree. This is my life, it is nothing. I am nothing. I’m almost 25 and achieved absolutely fucking zero.  All has almost fallen apart.

After all, I don’t think I’d wish this kind of life of mental torture on anyone I hate. A life that is complete zero. A waste. That is going nowhere.

All I feel is shame that I just couldn’t fulfill my dreams and achieve anything.

I hate how unfair everything is. Someone gets 5 million a month and someone like me is sitting on an old bench in some shithole without a penny and can’t get a job with higher education. How fair is the world?

 

Lonely Trip

A clutch, a clench, a grip,
to a zip.
A scarce apprehension of what it was made of,
I knew it was about to be a lonely trip.

A train ride full of frowns of other guests,
they are on it for the same trip,
they clutch, they clench, they grip,
to a zip.

Eyes empty and a stiff upper lip,
keep all to yourself, don’t let a sound slip,
soon we will all be there, all going the same way,
see the children and the others look down as they pray.

It’s only getting faster, it’s picking up speed,
The murmurs getting louder as they look up to God,
We’re all in it too deep.
A crash and it’s over, no one made it alive,
Indeed,
we were all in it, but it was a short, lonely ride.