Bipolar ad Spiritual practices

I was pondering on one thing today.

Is it possible for a person to indulge in spiritual practices with severe mental disorders?

Is it possible to rewire a damaged, anxious and depressed brain that didn’t know any better for 25 years? I just wonder…Can you make your life a bit more bearable other than taking copious amounts of medication?

I’m very into Buddhism and try to practice it to the best of my abilities, but I recently heard news about a Buddhist (Michael Stone) committing suicide.

Really goes to show you how powerful the disease really is. It has no mercy, it doesn’t care if you’re Christian, Hindu or Buddhist, it gets a hold of you anyway. So I wonder, can you tackle this disease at all?

Is it a waste of time or should you keep going? Can you teach yourself to be compassionate again? Can you return to the state when you were as a little child and conjure up the compassionate and loving self? Can you teach yourself to let go easily? What does it take and how long?

I know how easy it is to obsess over things, it’s very common for people with mental illness to be very religious. I have a friend who has schizophrenia and she is very religious and believes in Jesus with all her heart, prays relentlessly, it’s very common for people with schizophrenia to do so, she even believes meditating to be evil. So again I wonder, where is the line of practicing things in a healthy way rather than obsessing over religion and spirituality when you have a mental health problem?

Although I think spiritual practices are not the ultimate cure, it’s definetly a great way to manage your disease, but only when it’s not overdone, if it is it can be damaging.

I think taking bits and pieces of spiritual practices can be very beneficial when it is done adequately.

Eventhough I am not a fan of riligions such as Christinanity but I still believe that praying is a good thing, it promotes stillness and being still is what we all need.

‘To a mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders.’

 

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Why is nothing working?

I don’t quite understand why nothing is working. I try my best to regulate my mood and my well-being but it doesn’t quite seem to be doing the job.

I’m on four different medications. A mood stabilizer, antidepressant, sleep aid and antipsychotic.

A couple of weeks ago I took up meditation seriously and even started doing yoga in the morning. I started this new journey of self-reflection and discovery. I started spending tons of time in nature, in forests and by lakes in the sun.  Thinking a lot about how I can become more calm and relaxed and just let things flow. Started reading a lot also.

I was feeling a lot better in general, more stable and relaxed, but there is this one thing… As soon as I start talking to anyone I get extremely angry, whenever I talk to someone or am at the grocery store I get very frustrated with everyone and am on the edge. On the other hand, when I’m alone, I’m completely Zen. This is ridiculous.

I’m trying to teach myself compassion towards other people, but I didn’t realize how hard it could be, being hurt so many times in so many ways and being distanced from people for so long, it is hard to feel for them when for so long all you felt was the opposite to compassion.

People like me usually laugh at things like meditation and yoga, but damn, it helps, even if a little, it does. Although, I’m still dealing with anger and trauma from time to time I’m more in tune with myself.

That is it from me.