I was always awkward. Awkward with people, anxious around them. But that was it.
Now it’s turning into something worse.
Gradually, over years I’ve started to drift away as far as possible from people and society in general. With every year I became more and more reclusive.
I have deleted all of my social media. I left almost no trace, it’s as if I don’t exist. All I have is my email and this blog.
I wanted nobody to know of my existence.
I cut off more and more people out of my life. I used to go out at least some times with people, now I am too afraid to leave the house.
I can’t go to crowded places anymore, I can’t go to the store, I can’t go out to eat. I just stay inside all the time when I am not working. Public transport gives me horrendous anxiety.
Going out to eat with my family always ends up with a fight because I’m anxious the place is extremely crowded.
Never thought it would become like this.
My circle of people I talk to is my mom, dad and my girlfriend. That’s it. The other acquaintances I have, I have to make up excuses all the time to not see them because I’m so scared of being awkward.
It just gets worse.