Haunting past

I am 24 and my past still haunts me to this day.

I got a new job and what I found out got me into a complete mental breakdown.

I found out that my manager’s boyfriend is my most vicious bully. He bullied me in school relentlessly. The most disgusting thing is, he bullied me because of my disability and I think people who do that deserve capital punishment.

Because of him, I can’t stand the names of some animals, the sight of them even, they bring back flashbacks.

She kept showing me pictures of him and that was it…

I don’t know if I should work there because I am going to have to see him which I don’t know if I would be able to handle emotionally.

For these past two days all I am doing is crying because I am so terrified that I will be talked about, she will tell him about me, and he will tell her all about me, that scares me to death, being talked about and bullied once again.

People tell me to get over it. How? I have been traumatized and bullied into a psych ward. Because of those kids, I can never feel enough and to this day I feel ugly, unworthy and like a freak because I have a disability.

I have lost sleep and cannot sleep anymore because of the anxiety.

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Today

Today,
I have become what I hate.
The monster gripping around my neck
and shoving me around.
I have become what had despised,
now I am the one,
pushing others to the ground.
Never thought and never knew,
this is what I would come to,
ashamed and guilty to the core.
Ashamed and guity every minute,
I never wanted to admit it,
but now,
I am what I had been afraid of.