love the body

I want to love my body,

and I want to love my scars,

because you don’t know my story,

you’ll never know how much it costs,

to never love yourself to pieces,

to always think about what’s lost.

My reflection is never friendly,

it always tells me that I’m wrong,

if i ever feel i’m worthy,

it’s quick to say I don’t belong.

All the mockery I’ve dealt with,

carries on until this day,

even grown-ups can be mean,

never watching what they say.

I’m short and overweight,

so what else is there to give?

if you don’t accept yourself,

maybe no one ever will.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Delete Facebook

Delete Facebook. Delete your socials.

You’ll feel so much freedom. You won’t have to compare yourself to other people anymore. You won’t be so depressed looking at other people’s lives, their vacations, their relationships. Most of it is fake anyway. It’s a facade. You’ll lose hours and hours of your life scrolling and scrolling. There’s absolutely no point in that. Save yourself the sadness and the misery. The best alternative is to pick up a good book, listen to music, self-care. Do something more worthy with your time. Social media is toxic. The endless race of who gets more likes. Social media always seemed like garbage to me. The endless looking up of classmates who bullied me and looking at their lives and feeling like I have been betrayed by God. It has stopped and my levels of depression have gone down drastically. I don’t care what Suzy is up to now.

I urge everyone to get off social media and start living. It’s worth it.

Image result for delete facebook

me: why am I so insecure and terrible as a person

also me: was never loved as a child, was never told anything good about herself, was constantly verbally abused and abandoned by others, sexually harassed by own brother, bullied because of disability, as a result, started behaving antisocially at a very young age because of lack of love and a affection, took out the anger on other beings. The pattern has continued into adult life by being emotionally abusive.

Oh.

the bad ghost

Let me change in peace,

Let me blossom with the spring,

All the bad words don’t hurt as much,

at least.

My name has been torn apart to shreds,

I’m patching it up as I go,

with a long road of healing ahead.

The monster inside has succumbed to slumber,

I have put him down,

and I no longer have your number.

The past is the past,

let us leave it there,

I’ll just be the bad ghost in your head,

somewhere.

inspired

I get no second chances,

I’m the sickest you can get,

I’m filtering through strangers,

to find the love I never met.

Those faces were the nicest,

never meant me any harm,

I was the one to jinx it,

and put up the alarm.

Now my hands are red and raw,

from trying to wash off all the pain,

boiling water burns my skin,

as I watch my life go down the drain.

Is it all just hurt and sorrow?

Is it all not worth the while?

Am I going to be left in ruins,

if I push this extra mile?

I am destroyed, I have no hope,

seems like my remedy is soap…

But it will not wash off the scars,

it will not erase the past.

And I wish that I knew,

how long the pain will last…

Dissociation

In the face of danger,

you don’t recognize yourself,

all you once knew becomes foreign,

you don’t feel a thing –

sadness, anger, regret.

You sit by the mirror in shock and surprise,

who is this person with blank and dead eyes?

You once knew every crevice and mark,

you could find every wrinkle in the dark,

now you don’t know who you are seeing,

this empty, emotionless being.

Every element becomes unreal,

You’re hit with emotions, yet you do not feel.

All you are and all that exists is a deep, black hole,

and no matter how much you put the pieces together,

you will never be whole.

Broken plexus

What does it take to get to fix my heart?

What does it take to fix the broken plexus?

I’m living off conversations with strangers,

running through the circle of life that leaves me breathless.

I greet the winter mornings with so many questions,

about where is God, and what if he left us?

what if we’re alone with no one to lead us through the trenches.

and in the midst of this cycle we all become lifeless.

What if all of this is of no use?

The way we move to the music and run on the loose?

The way we lose friends and are scared of the new?

These are all just questions with no answers received,

all there is left is to live and believe.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

hurt people hurt people

Hurt people hurt people,

that’s a well known fact.

their soul is wounded,

stepped on and cracked.

Our anger is one of the titans,

the will break you in half,

if you show weakness,

we will triumph and laugh.

We feed off your pain,

your weak will and mind,

if you do wrong- we will leave you behind.

The lesson is,

Don’t hurt people, don’t ever attack,

because if you hurt people,

hurt people hurt back.